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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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October /
November 2006 Contest Results |
The
Beulah Hubbard P.D.
By Ralph Gordon,
Mississippi
Most people
would never believe that a tiny little place like Beulah Hubbard,
Mississippi, would have a police department, but we did. We had two
officers, they were identical twins, Officer Amos and Officer Andy. What
are the chances of that happening?
They were nice fellows. They just
quietly went about their duties of protecting the campus against all
invaders, both foreign and domestic. I remember them standing there in
their shiny blue uniforms with one hand raised to alert drivers that
they must slow down in the school zone. But they were a little on the
lazy side. The principal had to go out and get them moving every time he
needed them. I often wondered what would happen if we were actually
invaded; say by Hickory or West Lauderdale.
The two officers stood fearlessly in the highway while the buses were
arriving at or departing the school, making sure all of us Beulah
Hubbardites were safe from all the traffic. After the buses were parked
and all us were safely in the building, the two crime-fighters would
stand guard over the campus. Officer Amos guarded the south end of the
BH as his brother stood bravely on the north side. They might have been
lazy, but they must have done something right, to my knowledge we never
had a major crime to occur at B.H. Well, there is one exception to the
major crime thing.
Some of the boys, I have no idea who, kept kidnapping the cops... talk
about lazy. How many times can you be kidnapped before you do something
about it. After all they were cops, they could have shot their
kidnappers. I am personally glad they didn’t! But the principal, rescued
them from pulpwood yard at Little Rock every week, the same place the
kidnappers always held them hostage over the weekend. They were back at
work right on time early every Monday morning.
I think the principal probably had a good idea who the kidnappers were,
but he never made any accusations. You would think that the two fearless
crime-fighters would identify their captors, but they must have been
blind. But they were tough, one of them got hit by a pulpwood truck and
never missed a day's work. The Coca-Cola sign he always wore around his
waist is probably what saved him. And there is no telling how many times
both of them were shot with BB guns...that could explain their eyesight
problems. Never the less, they both had exciting and rewarding careers
as Beulah Hubbard's silent sentinels keeping all of us safe from crime,
and perhaps ourselves.
I’m sure Officer Amos and his identical twin brother Office Andy are
retired by now. And maybe they have gone on that great school-zone in
the sky. The last time I saw Officer Andy he was lying face down on the
side of the road, just up from the school. I started to stop and help
him up, but decided not to, he was probably just taking a nap, getting
ready for the buses to leave.
http://www.mississippiwritersguild.com/VICE_PRESIDENT_PAGE.html
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