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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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June / July 2006 Contest Results |
Little
Dude, Big Ego
By
Wendy Sang Kelly, South Carolina
I’ve been
reading a lot lately about North Korea’s Kim Jong-il, who for some
reason is developing nuclear (or nuke-U-ler, if your middle initial is
W) weaponry. And I got to thinking... what’s with this guy?
Why the big
bully campaign? What’s he trying to prove? So I did a little research
and quickly stumbled upon the one piece of the puzzle that pretty much
sums it all up.
He’s short.
Actually, more (or in this case, less) than short. He’s diminutive.
Petit. Pocket-sized. Wee, even. I’m talking
too-short-to-ride-the-big-kid-rides-at-Six-Flags-Over-Seoul-short.
Short-enough-to-make-Tom-Cruise-look-tall-short. So short he wears
lifts, stands on a platform, AND sports a pompadour bigger than Jimmy
Neutron’s.
Just who does he think he’s fooling? All that effort just brings more
attention to the fact that Kim is well… L’il.
And haven’t short guys caused enough grief throughout human history?
Napoleon comes to mind. A darn fine pastry, but as a leader? Not so
much.
I’m not sure how
tall (or short) Hitler was exactly, but I’m willing to bet he needed a
boost into the old bunk bed. And how about Nero? Not only short, but
also a toga-wearing fiddle-player. Talk about your geek tri-fecta.
Why can’t the height-challenged channel their shortness in a more
positive direction? Become a jockey or something, for God’s sake. What
girl doesn’t love a partner who can obsess over every calorie with her?
Or go to New York and be harmlessly eccentric.
Woody Allen did
it. So did Truman Capote.
Hey, take
a look at George Stephanopoulos; a short guy with an unfortunate name
and a lot of Clinton on his resume. He worked it out, didn’t he? You
don’t see him coming up with ways to destroy civilization. As least as
far as we know.
My message to Kim Jong-il is this: Dude, get over yourself. No matter
how many bombs you drop, you’ll still be short. Even if you wipe out the
entire human race, you’ll still need a step-stool to brush your teeth.
Why not spend a
little time and money trying to actually solve your problem? How about
researching shin extenders or human growth hormones, or something?
Or at the very least, do something about that hair.
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