|
|
|
| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
|
|
|
June / July 2006 Contest Results |
Shows
That REALLY Aren’t Ready For Prime Time
By
Art Carey, California
With the usual
optimism and fanfare, the major networks have announced their new season
television schedules. But what they never talk about are the programs
rejected—the prequels, sequels and clones that didn’t make the cut.
Here’s a sampling of what viewers won’t be seeing this fall:
CBS
“Survivor: Beverly Hills”
Two teams of contestants, thrust suddenly into the concrete desert of
Rodeo Drive with only deli lunches and Evian water to sustain them, must
contend with snooty security guards, 20-minute parking restrictions, and
hordes of tourists brandishing digital cameras.
“CSI: Chugiak”
The latest spinoff in this popular crime scene investigation series
probes tsetse fly larva found in the remains of an Alaskan bush pilot
who crashed on a glacier after eating a poisoned moose burger.
NBC
“Lawn & Border: Crabgrass”
Nursery detectives go undercover to discover who’s responsible for the
rampant weed growth strangling victims’ backyards.
“East Wing”
The camera goes inside the hectic, pressurized atmosphere of the East
Wing, where chefs, wine stewards, gardeners and maids struggle daily to
keep the White House in boeuf bourguignon, chilled champagne, fresh-cut
flowers and lilac-scented sheets and pillow cases.
“The Absolutely, Positively, Most Disgusting Moments From Fear-Driven
Reality Shows”
Contestants test their moral fiber (and stomachs) by eating worms and
bugs, being buried alive, crawling naked through a tunnel filled with
blood-sucking leeches, and watching nonstop reruns of the Jerry Springer
show.
ABC
“American... Idle”
An out-of-work male computer technician whose job has been outsourced to
Bangladesh becomes the unwilling nanny to three out-of-control brats and
a willful Siamese cat.
“Desperate Housewives Lost During an Extreme Makeover”
In an attempt to shore up sagging ratings, ABC combines three of its
most successful shows and transports the casts to the Galapagos Islands,
where they are threatened by giant marine iguanas that have gorged on
the midnight buffet leftovers dumped by cruise ships.
HBO
“The Altos”
HBO prepares for the final season of its blockbuster crime family series
“The Sopranos” with a prequel about young mobsters-to-be whose voices
have changed.
FOX
“23 Hours, Thirteen Minutes”
Jack Bauer turns up again to save the day but his watch stops
unexpectedly and the series ends before he can prevent:
— A missile hitting Washington D.C.
— A nuclear device vaporizing Los Angeles.
— A poison gas release choking Chicago.
—The President realizing that Bauer has been creating disasters just to
keep a job.
ESPN
“The Quik-Kleen Toilet Bowl”
The lowest-ranked college football teams in the nation, Nos. 124 and
125, meet in Schenectady, N.Y., with the Wooden Handle Rubber Plunger
Trophy at stake.
.
|
