|
|
|
| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
|
|
|
June / July 2006 Contest Results |
Blockbuster Summer She-quels
By
Audrey D. Mark,
North Carolina
One of the
coolest things to do during the dog days of summer is to chill out at
the movies. Unfortunately, so far I've found that most of this year's
offerings are more lackluster than blockbuster.
There just haven't been enough good chick flicks I can relate to. I've
taken the liberty of doing a little rewriting and think that I may have
some hit sequels for next summer.
Coming soon to a theater near you:
"MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4": In this nail-breaking thriller, a desperate
housewife is on a mission, which she has no choice but to accept. She
must tidy up her entire home before her picky mother-in-law arrives in
four hours.
With enormous
piles of laundry blocking every door, she must beat the clock and clean
while dangling from a vacuum cord suspended from the hallway air vents.
Tension mounts as she decides to change the filters while she's up
there.
"OMG, IT'S LIKE, THE DA VINCI CODE": A mom threatens to shake the very
foundation of a secret society called "Teen Angst" by cracking their
closely guarded code of acronyms and emoticons used for instant
messaging in cyberspace.
She comes
to realize that deciphering the Mona Lisa's smile is a lot easier than
reading her daughter's e-mail messages.
OMG, u r going 2 lol, it's 2 kewl, k?
"CLICKER": A far-fetched fantasy film about a TV remote control that
miraculously returns itself to its rightful place on the arm of the arm
of the couch.
This clever
clicker never gets dropped, lost between sofa cushions or ends up in the
refrigerator. Things get really crazy when the remote goes haywire and
everyone starts agreeing on what to watch and how fast to flip through
the channels.
Like I said, it's a far-fetched fantasy.
"SUPERMOM RETURNS": Our heroine, aka Mom of Steel, saves the world by
returning all fashion faux pas hanging in the closets of Metropolis --
past 30 days and without the receipts.
She and her best
gal-pal, Lois Lane, hit the malls for truth, justice and more shopping
-- isn't that the American way?
"THE DEVIL WEARS ABERCROMBIE": A normal and attractive woman finds out
that she is actually just a frumpy, unfashionable mom as she tries to
navigate her way through the ultraglamorous life of a preteen.
She learns
that, surprisingly, this highly coveted position of parenthood is not
all it's cracked up to be. At times her "boss" can be demeaning,
demanding and downright grouchy.
To survive in this cutthroat environment, she must master the seemingly
impossible task of driving, shopping and talking with her daughter
without being seen or heard.
"CARPOOL": A new Pixar animation sensation about a hotshot rookie mom
who speeds through errands, racing for that primo front spot in the
carpool line. You"ll cheer her on in this slow-paced mama-drama as she
sits, waits and wonders why, if life is a journey, she is spending half
of hers just waiting around in that dang minivan?
Co-staring Paul Newman and Owen Wilson -- at least in her daydreams!
"THE FAST & THE FURIOUS; TOKYO DROPPED": Hopped up on the exhilaration
that comes from a night of not having to cook, tempered with some MSG
from the Chinese take-out, a woman frantically chases after every last
grain of rice that has fallen from her messy family's dining table and
is now covering her floor.
"THE LAKE HOUSE GUESTS": A time-twisted tale of a woman who is still
cleaning up after her houseguests, and waiting for their thank-you note
to arrive, after their visit two years ago.
"NACHO LAUNDRY": Cheese and salsa stains prove to be no match for the
mother of a Mexican wrestler who thanklessly scrubs her fingers to the
bone to keep her son's snappy hooded wrestling costume clean and Downy
fresh.
Even Mrs. Siskel and Mrs. Ebert would give these films two thumbs up!
http://www.AudreyDMark.com
.
|
