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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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February
/ March 2006 Contest Results |
Heated Eyelash
Curlers
By
Annette Martin, Georgia
Well, kiddies, I
have seen it all now! I was looking at the current Avon sales booklet
when lo and behold, what should I see on page 49 but an “Express Curl
Heated Lash Curler.”
This product
“gently curls lashes” in only 10 seconds! Said item requires 2 AAA
batteries, which of course are not included. Ten seconds huh? I’m not
the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I will take a stab at this one!
Exactly how long does it take someone to curl their lashes with the “old
fashioned” type of eyelash curler? This advertisement leads me to
believe that you are allowed 5 seconds per eye. I’m thinking that I
usually achieve the same results in less time with my obviously
antiquated version.
As I sit here pondering the many uses and excuses for this breakthrough
design that helps women the world over achieve perfect eyes I have to
ask myself, Self, was the product development team at Avon having a
three martini lunch when this particular idea was tossed out there on
the table?
Are Cheech and
Chong on their product development team? Is bigger, better, faster or
curlier always the answer? Upon further research I discovered the
following:
There is more than one type of eyelash curler. (I thought that only
happened with food. You know the foods I speak of; low fat, no fat, full
of fat, fake fat, Can’t believe it’s not fat... the list goes on for
miles!) For the most part these eyelash curlers all look the same; the
difference lies all in the name.
For instance there is the Plain Jane “Eyelash Curler,” which retails for
$4.50 and comes with a laundry list of instructions for getting the
“look” women really want. The next one up is the “Super” Eyelash Curler.
It retails for $6 and there are very few physical differences between
this product and the first. Last but not least on the list of manual
eyelash curlers is the “Deluxe” version. This product retails for $9 and
looks to be a heavier duty version of the first two.
All of three items use virtually the same curling technique and require
you to squeeze the instrument on your lashes for a “few” seconds. What
exactly is a few? I thought you’d never ask!
FEW (fyeeoo)
adj.
Being more than one but indefinitely small in number: bowled a few
strings.
n.
An exclusive or limited number: the discerning few; the fortunate few.
pron.
A small number of persons or things: “For many are called, but few are
chosen” (Matthew 22:14).
So, less than seven but more than two; glad I could clear that up for
you. Now back to the subject at hand...
What I found to be really interesting is the manufacturer’s all
recommend that you heat the curler with a blow dryer to achieve the best
look possible! Never knew that... never really considered the
possibility before! I find it hard enough finding the time to blow dry
my hair in the mornings, much less heat up my eyelash curler with the
darn thing.
Will repeated use of a heated instrument cause your lashes to fall out?
Will you get split ends? That has been known to occur when we abuse our
tresses with hot rollers and curling irons, so it stands to reason that
it could happen to our lashes as well.
On the other hand if my eyelashes got split ends then it would appear
that I had twice as many of them and perhaps I could save time and money
by not having to apply mascara. Just a thought...
Another question brought to mind is just how long does it take for one
of those electric deals to heat up? Well, on the World Wide Web, the
Sephora Professional Mini Heated Lash Curler ($18 retail) takes a mere
15 seconds before it achieves its optimal curling temperature... 15
seconds! Now we’re up to 12.5 seconds per eye and for what, I ask you?
Well, so once we
get those stick straight lashes of ours curly enough they can smudge
mascara on our freshly eye shadowed eyelids of course. Don’t you hate it
when that happens?
Let’s face it, there is nothing as aggravating as getting to the end of
your morning routine just to mess it all up with the final step! Well,
OK, there are more aggravating things, but that’s a story for another
day.
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