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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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February
/ March 2006 Contest Results |
Hearing (Electronic)
Voices
By Noreen Braman,
New Jersey
I pride myself on
the fact that, at my age, I am technically savvy, knowing my computer
inside and out, and being able to assemble things even when the
instructions are written in pseudo-English. My house is full of
electronic doo-dads
that dance to my command. (Well, everything except the VCR, which
defiantly keeps
blinking 12:00, 12:00, 12:00. The VCR’s days are number however, as I
have just
acquired a DVD player.)
I feel like an electronic Dr. Doolittle, able to communicate with all
these electronic minions. My coffee maker beeps three long times when
the coffee is ready, so does the microwave, but at a different tone. Two
chirps at still
another tone tells me that someone is trying to “Direct Connect” to me
on my cell
phone. Each of my online “buddies” has their own sound (and you – the
one with the
explosion sound – cut that out!).
Despite knowing the new electronic language, I was
baffled when, one night last week, a loud beeping interrupted me. Five
loud shrill
beeps, and then silence. I jumped up to try and locate the source of the
sound, to no avail. Of course, as soon as I sat down, it went off again.
Having recently installed a CO detector in my house, I realized it was
perhaps the only electronic voice I didn’t recognize. When the beeping
repeated itself an hour later, I followed the safety instructions,
opened all the windows, and took myself and the dog outside into the
cold to await the fire department.
And the police.
And the
ambulance.
And the gas
company.
All these professional disaster teams came to the same conclusion; there
was
no CO in my house. No beeping had been heard in all the time they were
in my house. I swear they were looking at me with THOSE eyes.
So, when the same thing happened a few days later, I didn’t call anyone.
I stared at the CO detector, trying to catch it in the act. Then, the
beep sounded again, but this time, I swear, from a different part of the
house. All this time, of course, no one had heard this beeping but me.
My kids were now also looking at me with THOSE eyes.
Today, it happened again. This time, my daughter was home, and it was
loud enough to make her hold her ears. I ran through the signal tests
with her, testing both the CO detector and the smoke alarm – neither of
which had the same pitch or pattern. As we were standing in the spot
where she had heard it so loudly, we heard it again, this time, faintly,
as if, once again, it had moved to the other side of the house. We both
looked up to the ceiling, where the attic steps are. We both wondered if
there is something in the attic making this noise.
Something that
is obviously MOVING.
Neither one of us has gone up there yet. We are just superstitious
enough to be afraid that whatever IT is, it might be something
supernatural and paranormal. Who says ghosts have to rattle chains?
Maybe this is a modern ghost using modern technology. Or, it could be a
rabid squirrel running around with an old beeper or cell phone in its
mouth.
Whichever it is, I hope the batteries run down soon.
http://www.noreensdigitaldreams.com
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