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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE |
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| June/July
2005 Contest Results |
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Winners,
Finalists & Honorable Mentions from the August/ September 2005
Contest will be featured in our Humor
Showcase until the
October/ November 2005 Contest is
over, when new Winners, Finalists & Honorable Mentions
will take their place on these pages!
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"Summer Vacation
Fun"
By Lisa Barker,
Greenfield CA
Second-Place Winner
The kids all want to go to Disneyland, but I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, it’s not like we don’t ever go anywhere fun. Don’t they remember
Laundryland?
“Mom, this is BORING.”
“Hey, now I just paid EIGHT quarters for you to view the wash through a front loading machine window. And look…you’re the right height for the dryers. Hurry up or you’ll miss the permanent press cycle!”
“But we want to see Mickey Mouse.”
“Keep your eyes open. Laundryland has plenty of mice.”
“Can we have lunch?”
“What—you don’t like the snack machine?”
Kids. They’re so ungrateful. You take them to the movies and they have to blab their age to everyone…right when I’m explaining that my very tall “five-year old” has a gland condition.
And, yes. I’m usually thirty pounds heavier when we go due to the snacks strapped to my middle under a really big sweatshirt. “Hey, make sure you cough when you pop that soda tab,” I warn them.
You fill up a garbage can for the kids to swim in during the summer and they scream because there are a few bugs in the water. You take them to the mall and buy them a pretzel…
and they complain because you didn’t divide it evenly five ways. They say they want to go to a water park, so you hose down the slide and tell them to go for it.
Kids just don’t appreciate things much these days.
When I was a kid I’d wade barefoot in the sewer for fun. I’d spend hours in my playhouse
-- an old refrigerator box. And every weekend my parents would take me to the park…
and to pass the time they’d bet on the horses.
It can be tricky planning the perfect summer activities that please the whole family, but it can be done. Just keep these tips in mind:
1. Glad bags work as a slip-and-slide if you stretch them out and water them down properly, but don’t anchor them with rocks at the end of the ‘slide.’ Your kids can lose a few teeth that way.
2. If you let the kids have water balloons hold a few back for yourself and wait until they use all theirs…
then let them have it.
3. When camping… stake your tent as close to the back door as possible so you can slip into the house and sleep in your own bed once the kids fall asleep.
4. When the kids have a sleepover don’t let them watch the scariest movie ever or the chances are good you’ll be beaten to a pulp on your way to the bathroom by hyped-up pre-teen girls.
5. Always stand five feet away from the barbecue pit when the kids are toasting marshmallows unless you’re good at penciling in your eyebrows.
When it comes to summer vacation fun, keep a list of chores on hand. I guarantee the kids will appreciate what you have planned much more.
http://www.jellymom.com
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