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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE |
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| June/July
2005 Contest Results |
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Winners,
Finalists & Honorable Mentions from the August/ September 2005
Contest will be featured in our Humor
Showcase until the
October/ November 2005 Contest is
over, when new Winners, Finalists & Honorable Mentions
will take their place on these pages!
Enter
the October/ November 2005 Contest to
claim (or regain!) a place in the Humor Showcase -- and in an
upcoming print edition!
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"Scrapbooking: Gigantic Waste of Time"
By Mary
Ketarkus-Brown, Geneva IL
Honorable Mention
Want your life to having meaning? Take up scrapbooking. First, take a class. Second, discover that all the stickers, special scissors and Band-Aids cost extra.
But it’s worth it to create your visual record albums. Resurrect decades of Kodak moments from dusty shoeboxes from your crawl space and attic: shots of birthday parties, summer camp and gang initiations.
Here are a few tips to enjoy this popular hobby:
1. Use every picture. They're all good. Candid moment when dad gave mom a case of TrimSpa for her birthday. Snapshots of 8th grade field trips. Backs of people's heads.
2. Pay extra for one-hour photo processing. What are you waiting for: Finish up that roll of film. Stalk people into the bathroom.
3. Use a minimum of three exclamation points in photo captions and the words
"AWESOME!!!" "FUN!!!" and "CUTE!!!" on every page.
4. Buy acid-free paper, acid-free pens, and acid-free sticker sets.
"Acid-free" means manufacturers add 150% to the price.
5. Bribe a store employee. Ignore the normal five-day, glue-gun waiting period and leave packing heat.
5. Don't confuse pasting pastel, striped paper frames on teddy bear themed pages with formal preschool education.
6. Create books of varying thickness for your siblings, depending on how well you like them.
7. Use piles of color prints sent by friends of each successive newborn. You don't know which one’s Rod or Todd
-– it doesn't matter. All newborns look like the Pope or a raisin anyway.
Before long you’ll spend more on your scrapbook addiction than on your rent, but, hey, it’s worth it. You smile when you think how rubber-stamped rainbows and glitter-glue on thick pages may one day bring tears to people's eyes.
Don’t have enough time to fill your self-indulgent family encyclopedia? What if you finally finished your son’s four-year book and he just got his first speeding ticket? Crop ‘n’ cruise to catch up.
Meet fellow paper hounds on vacation and feed your archival album addiction on the deck of a cruise ship headed into a hurricane.
More of a landlubbing scrapper? Spend the weekend at a hotel scrapbook marathon. Cut and paste from dawn till dusk with avid scrappers.
Don’t underestimate the impact of scrappers on the course of history. No,
you can never reclaim all those hours you burned stamping and nursing paper cuts but your greatest joy lies in knowing that scrapbooks can't be re-gifted.
Remember: the faster you get your matte-finish memories stuck on pretty pages the less actual time you have to spend with the people you took the pictures of in the first place.
http://www.room-redesign.com
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