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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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December 2006 / January 2007 Contest Results |
A Day Of
Football
By Andy Benton,
New Mexico
A few weeks ago,
my roommates and I decided to go play football at the park. Now, if you
don't know me, I can play football like Michael Jordan plays baseball.
In other words, I am awesome!
Anyway, we got to the park and it was time
to pick teams. I knew that I was going to be picked first. However, my
roommates decided to make everyone feel good about themselves and made
me the last pick.
They must've heard of my reputation, because the made
the unprecedented move of making me "all-time quarterback." Yeah, I
know. So anyway, there I was, slinging passes left and right, scoring
touchdown after touchdown and I found my team up 98-7.
On one particular
play, I hiked the ball, and dropped back to pass. This play was,
undeniably, going to result in another touchdown. Like any great QB, I
scanned the field looking for an open receiver. After finding one, I
cocked back my arm ready to pass when my other roommate, who had counted
the requisite 5 Mississippi’s and was rushing me, stuck his arm up to
block the pass. My arm went forward with incredible force and the ball
went flying. My thumb, however slammed into my roommates arm.
I am
pretty sure the play resulted in another touchdown, but the pain was
great. I was immediately sure that I had broken my thumb, but being the
gamer I am, I coolly said, "let's keep going." But my roommates,
fearing for my health, decided to call the game at that point. I
protested but my protests fell on deaf ears. They demanded I see a
doctor, but I didn't want to mess with all that, so I just stuck a bag
of frozen peas around my thumb and went about my day.
Now my roommate wants to write something which I will allow him to post
without actually reading it myself.
Hi, I am Andy's roommate. We went and played football a few weeks ago
after many months of him telling us, "We should go play football, cuz I
am awesome!" We finally gave in and decided we'd go play at the park.
After we arrived at the park, he insisted on picking teams, even though
there were only 5 of us. He kept saying that he was awesome at
quarterback so we made him all time quarterback.
I don't think he really
knew what it meant to be all-time quarterback because he kept saying his
team was ahead even though he was quarterback for both teams. And he
kept making up scores like "Hey, we're up 84-21" and then two plays
later he would say "That makes 91-0, us!"
He had a big weakness though.
Even though we only had 2 defensive players to guard 2 receivers, we
would rush one guy because he would immediately toss the ball straight
in the air at the sight of somebody coming towards him. God bless him
though, as he threw the ball he would always say, "here comes another
touchdown!"
On one play he threw the ball up in the air and happened to
glance my arm in the process. We had to quit after that because he kept
screaming "You broke my finger!" and "I can't continue playing, it
hurts so bad!"
I don't even remember feeling his hand hit my arm, but
oh, well, I guess we had fun.
www.myspace.com/andypbenton
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