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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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December 2006 / January 2007 Contest Results |
Madonna
and Me
By Kim Sheram,
Georgia
Madonna and me, we could be like sisters. I'm serious, the similarities
are uncanny. I mean once you take away her Mega Super Star Pop Goddess
thing.
We both spent our formative years in Detroit. We both are former
Catholics. We both have gone on spiritual journey's. Her's led to
Jewish Mysticism, mine led to a moderate (some say liberal) branch of
Christianity. Kabbalah, Methodist -- same difference.
She writes children's books. I write children's books. Well, mine are
more in my head, kind of an oral thing actually.
She was like a virgin. I was a virgin.
She has affected a British accent now that she lives in England. I speak
with a British accent whenever I read about England. If I actually moved
there I would develop a full-fledged accent on the ride from the airport
to my new castle. You should hear me (and my husband) the deeper South
we go. Our barely discernible Atlanta drawl, which is a Georgia drawl on
crack -- normal speed conversation peppered with Y'alls -- becomes theckah and slooowah the longah we are thayah. (Friendly tip-when using
Y'all please make sure that you are referring to more than one person.
You don't want Southerners to think you're ignorant).
Like Madonna, motherhood has mellowed and inspired me. She said in an
interview once that she has changed and matured since her earlier
boy-toy days and that she probably would make different choices today.
Yeah, wouldn't we all. I still cringe at my more radical moments which
almost always come back to mock me.
I try not to be so absolute in my
actions or words (although, I still get pretty preachy at times). I
remember my indignant outrage at Madonna herself. I recall condemning
her opportunistic antics as morally bankrupt and hurtful to all women.
Then came Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Who knew?
Today I'm not as hard on Madonna. After all, I haven't walked a mile in
her pointy bras.
I have no opinion on the adoption controversy. Did she use her celebrity
status and money to fast track the adoption? Well, probably, duh. I'd
like to know if Madonna used her wealth and fame to circumvent the
Malawian law requiring one year of residence before adoption to create a
controversy that would bring light to something she feels needs reform?
Here's a quote that makes me think she may just be the greatest puppet
master ever:
"As far as I'm concerned, the adoption laws have to be changed to suit
that (extreme poverty and mortality rate) state of emergency."
Although, she says she never expected or realized that the adoption was
creating such a controversy because she does not watch television or
read newspapers. No matter what her original intent, I'm betting she's
in control and that the media is and always will be her pet.
Able to control the global media with a single bound, yeah Madonna and
me, we're like sisters -- more like twins actually.
Anyway, I have to go, as it's almost time for her Oprah appearance. I'll bet
it'll be like looking in a mirror.
http://aftertheball.typepad.com/after_the_ball/
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