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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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June / July 2006 Contest Results |
A Mail
Perspective
By
Jennifer Karin, Massachusetts
***
My dearest wife,
After a rather long flight, I’ve arrived safely at my hotel and have
registered for the conference. As much as I’m looking forward to seeing
old colleagues and learning the newest advancements in medical
procedures, I miss you and the kids immensely. When you have a moment,
send me an email and let me know how everyone is doing.
Your loving husband
***
My loving husband,
How nice to hear from you. I’m sure the flight from Boston to Palm Beach
was tedious. Who can sit for three hours merely reading or playing
cards? Not me! If I’m not stopping a child from scratching FART FACE
into our Mahogany dining room table while picking dog food out of the
piano, well, then I’m just not happy. I do hope you survived the
monotony.
Your dearest wife
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My dearest wife,
The conference is moving along at a snail’s pace. I can’t wait to come
home. Please tell the children I love them and that the expression now
residing in our dining room table is unacceptable language.
Your loving husband
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My loving husband,
I am disheartened to hear the conference is moving so slowly. Perhaps
things would speed up if the attendees got off the golf course? But
that’s just a suggestion. I’m no doctor! Thanks for the parental advice
regarding said expression. Will hand child a Thesaurus the next time he
picks up a carving knife.
Your dearest wife
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My dearest wife,
I’m sensing an edge to your emails. Perhaps a five-day conference is too
long for me to be away. It’s awfully hot here anyway. I’ll make
arrangements to return home earlier than planned.
Your loving husband
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My loving husband,
Please do not interrupt your glorified tanning session on my account.
There’s no need to rush home, partly because we no longer have one. The
children took great pleasure in igniting Sparky, our Bichon Frise, to
see if the pooch could live up to his name (he did). In our zeal to race
Sparky to the sink, we failed to extinguish the sparks creeping up the
living room curtains. Well, before you could say, “My good-for-nothing
husband is spending the week in Palm Beach” the entire house was
engulfed in flames. Talk about your warm temperatures! Please direct all
further emails to the shelter at Lexington and Broad.
Your dearest wife
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My dearest wife,
I am indebted to your quick thinking in times of an emergency. Thank
goodness our family is safe. Did you happen to grab my green cashmere
sweater on the way out?
Your loving husband
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My loving husband,
Was not able to escape with three children, two dogs and one green
cashmere sweater – something had to be left behind. Went back to see if
I could find it in the rubble. Only discovered a VHS tape of you in bed
with our neighbor Mary. Remind me to tell her she needs to spend more
time on the treadmill. Please direct all future correspondence to our
attorney who still hasn’t forgiven you for the bad investment tip you
gave him at last year’s Christmas party.
Your dearest and most adaptable wife
***
http://www.zenmother.com
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