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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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April / May 2006 Contest Results |
Isn't It
Moronic
By Justin Dale, Texas
While flipping
through the channels I cringe as I pass VH1 inflicting a decade-old
Alanis Morrisette video on the masses. It’s that horrid “Isn’t It
Ironic” single. Unfortunately it only takes a split second of insidious
pap like that and my mind becomes corrupted.
It stands to reason that during the conception, writing, rehearsing,
recording, mixing, promoting, and performing of the song in question
there must have been at least several hundred thousand opportunities for
someone -- anyone -- to step up to the plate and point out to Ms.
Morrisette when it is appropriate to label something as ironic.
Maybe I’m being too much of a purist in my narrow interpretation of the
term. Perhaps I should cut her some slack: she is, after all, a
Canadian. As pervasive as irony has become in today’s society, the
concept is misunderstood by a great many in the United States, the
situation could be even worse north of the border.
A few years ago, while incarcerated in a Texas prison, I recall having a
conversation wherein I mentioned that I was able to maintain a healthy
attitude due to my ability to find humor in just about any situation. I
said that I was on a constant lookout for irony. My cellmate, God bless
him, told me that I should consider myself lucky if my clothes were
laundered with detergent and that I would just have to live with
wrinkled shirts because there was absolutely no “irony” going on down in
the laundry.
But I digress: everything I can remember being described in that awful
tune I would characterize as being nothing more than disappointing.
allowing for plenty of interpretive leeway, I suppose it’s conceivable
that some of the lyrical scenarios depicted might qualify for an
adjective such as unfortunate, but I can recall none that meet the
criteria necessary to be appropriately labeled "ironic." “Like rain on
your wedding day”? Well that’s too bad, Alanis, however it might be more
ironic if your groom in the song was the local weatherman.
With that in mind, the next channel I happen upon is broadcasting one of
those half-hour commercials for the Sharper Image's "ionic breeze. I
think it's supposed to be an air purifier or something along those
lines. It would be quite an understatement to point out that I am not a
fan of the infomercial, but I understand how it might take an entire
half hour to explain why anyone should be willing to pay $349.94 for an
air purifier. Especially since the thing has none of the usual parts
that might be thought of as potentially expensive. Parts like a motor or
fan or obvious source of power. I don't know, I could be wrong; maybe
it's worth far more than $350 to harness the magical power of the ion.
I had an air purifier/smoke-eater that I had purchased at one of the
large discount retailers last year for $39. It had an "ionizer" button
on it (the magic ion again) but had relied on electricity to power it. I
presume the unsightly cord, the "whisper" fan, and it's decidedly
non-futuristic reliance on electricity necessitated the asking price of
about $300 less than that of the ionic breeze.
That banal Alanis Morrisette song kept bouncing around inside my skull
and about the forty-ninth time that I thought I heard the chorus repeat,
I began thinking that what the Sharper Image should produce and market
is an "Ironic Breeze." A high-tech gizmo that would employ space-age
technology to remove all irony from a room. Just think of the
possibilities... grandparents could once again understand what kids are
really talking about. The trendy could put down their trucker hats.
Hipsters would be free of the burning need for a "vintage" Foghat 3/4
sleeve concert t-shirt.
Of course, sooner or later the cheaper imitations would start to pop up,
but the Sharper Image has always been synonymous with quality (either
that or it's been synonymous with overpriced, completely unnecessary
merchandise, I forget).
I can almost see it now... the financially compensated celebrity
endorser pitching enthusiastically: "only 'the Sharper Image Ironic
Breeze' can offer you separate cynicism reduction as well as sarcasm
eradication controls."
Here’s an inspired idea: perhaps Alanis Morrisette could sign an
endorsement deal, become the face of an ad campaign and pitch the
product in commercials. She seems to be quite the expert when it comes
to irony.
http://theoffenderatlarge.blogspot.com
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