|
|
|
| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
|
|
|
April / May 2006 Contest Results |
Pretty Is As
Pretty Does
By
Wendy Sang Kelly, South Carolina
The other day I
saw the ugliest Mary Kay lady ever. I’m talking boo nasty. She was in
the Wal*mart parking lot, loading up her pink rig, which, incidentally,
is no longer a Cadillac or even a Lincoln. Now, apparently, the top
sellers get -- hold onto your eyelash curlers -- pink Jaguars.
And I got to thinking…just how does an unattractive Mary Kay lady make a
living? I mean, if she still looks like Godzilla even with access to all
the make-up in the world, what hope do the rest of us have?
Clearly, this gal must have the most incredible sales pitch in the free
world.
She could probably put Dale Carnegie to shame, right? And as much as I
hate the personal sales pitch... you know, “I’m starting a Home-Based
Business” (translation: run for your freakin’ lives or suffer the
consequences), I must admit I’ve been a victim of a couple of good ones
myself. After all, I personally own a water-powered Rainbow Vacuum,
which as far as I can tell, is the only six-hundred pound electric
sweeper on the market today which requires its own septic tank.
Obviously, I’m no stranger to the perfect sales pitch. And actually, I’m
very intrigued... just how does she overcome all that unsightliness
while bravely soldiering on to achieve mega-success in the field of
beauty? I need to know.
I sidle up to the Jag. Ms. Mary Kay is loading up the trunk with her
purchases... mostly normal stuff like charcoal, lawn chairs, diet Pepsi
and generic potato chips. I see onion dip, citronella candles and
water-balloon launchers. Not much in the way of toiletries, but then,
being a top-seller, I'm sure she probably gets her share of freebies
from the home office.
The curiosity is now killing me. Unable to stop myself, I stammer,
“Hey... I hear Mary Kay make-up is really top-of-the-line. Do you think
you could come by sometime and tell me all about your products? I’d like
to discover a glamorous new me.” (That last part was over the top, I
know, but hey, I was caught up in the moment.)
At which point Ms. Mary Kay looks at me for a moment, sizing up my
potential. Will she be able to turn this ugly duckling into a swan? Do I
look like a girl with enough friends to merit a full-blown home
demonstration? And most importantly, might my purchases be enough to get
her the all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii?
Finally, the reply I’ve waited for comes: “I’m sorry, honey... you’ll
have to talk to the wife about all that... I’m just borrowin’ her car.”
.
|
