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SHOWCASE
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December 2005 / January 2006 Contest Results |
Pea Sized
By Danielle Mutarelli
Merrimack, NH
I have a bladder
the size of -- appropriately enough -- a pea. Throughout the day I’m in
the bathroom more often than not. My astrological sign is Aquarius --
the water bearer -- but in my case, it's more like the water releaser.
I had
erroneously thought that as soon as my son was potty trained he’d become
my bathroom buddy. I was under the impression that kids went to the
bathroom a lot. Yet my son of three far out lasts me at every turn. On
road trips as I waddle into just about every bathroom along our way, my
son will trail behind me with no greater need than to play with the hand
dryers.
I guiltily admit
that I’d planned on simply blaming the boy each time (like every 10
minutes) I needed to stop to use the bathroom. But I hadn’t counted on
his having a bladder the size of a hot water bottle.
He can go for
hours without the slightest urge. He’ll slurp through sippy cups with
nary a tinkle, suck down juice boxes and I swear not a sprinkle. Whereas
if I so much as swallow my own saliva I have to pee.
Although, I will admit my numerous trips to the bathroom do have a lot to do with a trio
of afflictions. One is a massive consumption of water and the other is a
sort of fear of having to use the bathroom but not being able to. As
people of the Depression Era are known for squirreling away food, I
squirrel trips to the bathroom. I do this because my father was a Marine
and as a child we took many family road trips, all of which were of the
“we’ll stop when we get there or your eyeballs float out of your head,
whichever comes first” variety. Oh, yeah, and
lest I forget, pregnancy did me no favors.
When the potty
training with our son first began I envisioned piles of peed pants and
miles of soggy sheets. I trailed behind him all day long sounding like
the Verizon guy, “Do you have to go now? How about now?”
I was amazed
that I actually had to go to the bathroom more than he did.
The training did take some time and there were a few false starts --
puddles on the floor -- and many misfires -- urine dripping from the
bathroom wall. But eventually he got the hang of it and turned out to be
a real wiz (tee hee).
Once he made the
leap out of diapers (well, he has no butt and often leapt out of both
his pants and diapers), it was an incredible transformation from baby to
little boy.
I’d feared that
with my son out of diapers my nights would now be spent ushering a
toddler in and out of the bathroom. But alas, I’m the only one making
that trip. If I ever come back as a ghost I know for certain I’ll haunt
the bathroom. Although the new homeowners will assume the odd noises
coming from that region of the house are just the old plumbing and not
me -- eternally cursing the utter uselessness of my bladder.
So it came as
somewhat of a surprise the other night as I heard a cry from my son’s
bedroom. I went into find that the “hot water bottle” had burst and he’d
let loose a virtual flood in his bed. Everything was soaked. The poor
kid was distraught to discover that he’d even hosed his teddy bear.
Yet I was still
proud of my little guy. It was his first accident since he’d gone diaper-free months ago. Quite impressive I think.
As I changed his
sheets and pajamas and tucked him back into bed I stopped and reflected.
Sigh... It seemed like just yesterday he was an infant peeing in his
father’s face. How fast they grow.
Then I realized
with a pang that, once again, I had to use the bathroom.
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