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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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| October/November
2005 Contest Results |
"Fat
Christmas"
By Danielle LaBue
Pittsford, NY
Finalist, October/November 2005
New Years Day --
9:02 a.m.
Naked and angry in
my master bathroom ... You stupid thing! I DO NOT WEIGH THIS MUCH!
I lean to the
right, the left. With a caution and precision of a tightrope walker, I
step off then back on, eyeing the little black digits that roll by between
my feet. They finally stop, displaying a sum about 10 pounds too high for
my liking. It’s lying!
As if diffusing a
live bomb, I carefully reset the little knob to zero, shake it, then
repeat. With my eyes closed I get back on. TWO POUNDS MORE! I stomp my
feet, I yell. I almost fall over but the toilet breaks my fall.
This thing makes
me crazy. It’s never been the same since I drop kicked it across the floor
after Thanksgiving...
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